CDS Journal

In my post " Where do I want to live? What do I want to do? ", I described having the experience of serving a purpose that I found meaningful and, for better or worse, how critical it is for me to need purpose to feel worthwhile. Today I'm looking at this from a different angle... though the lens of choice. I saw a bumper sticker on a vehicle today that said "Choose Happiness". I've seen this phrase before and I've generally dismissed it as new age rhetoric... but today it meant something different. Today it reminded me that the only way to be absolutely immune to the conditional nature of life's ups and downs is to have the ability to choose it... to choose immunity.  Life may suck at times... but I don't have to behave accordig to that reality. This is not the same thing as having a "positive attitude"... because my experience of that tactic is that it's most definitely a form of delusion achieved by ignoring reality a...

Narcissistic behaviour is a process of ultimately coming face to face with itself. Narcissism trusts no one... and therefore, ultimately, learns its lesson by focusing on the only thing it cares about... itself... and ends up unknowingly applying its own selfishness on itself and learning a lesson from that. The primary benefit of avoiding narcissistic behaviour demonstrated by others is your own sanity.  Being free from the effects of narcissism requires being able to identify it and not be affected by it.   When I witness someone complaining about another person's narcissistic behaviour, what I see is a person who is vulnerable to it.  Narcissism isn't about an individual... it's about the entire world that surrounds and follows that individual around... which is a world that doesn't change easily or quickly. Narcissism is a cultural cancer which, unlike physical cancer, is extremely contagious. Like all cancers, it is ruthless in its goal... to infect and elimin...

SPOILER ALERT: THE PURPOSE AND MEANING OF THIS POST MAY CHANGE AS YOU READ IT.  THIS IS A JOURNAL, WHICH IS A "JOURNEY" OF DOCUMENTING MY UNEDITED THINKING TO GET CLEARER ON THINGS IN MY MIND THAT WOULD OTHERWISE JUST BE ENDLESSLY LOOPING THOUGHTS. IT MAY NOT BE ENTERTAINING, BUT IT'S REAL... AND REAL-TIME. ============ I don't care about questions like this... "Where do you want to live?" "What do you want to do?" Whenever my life is changing in significant ways, I get asked these questions frequently. I understand why... they are typical concerns and common interests. I don't care. Details like this aren't meaningful to me. I'm not entirely clear about whether my attitude about this is a problem or not. For the first time in my life I have had an experience of living with a meaning I deeply valued.  I just spent nine months existing with a clear and valuable purpose. There were difficult situations to deal with, but not...